History Has It’s Eyes On Us

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I am in pain today. Not just for myself as a woman and a member of the LGBTQ+ community, but for every person that Trump has blatantly harassed and disparaged. I may not be POC, Disabled, Muslim, or any of the other many, many people Trump has made remarks about (including veterans??? Way to go, Republicans…), but I know and love people who are. To say that I want to hate our President Elect and the people that voted him into office would be entirely accurate. He has certainly earned those feelings. But to actually hate them would be no better than to stoop to their level. Trump built his campaign on hate, on racism and sexism and so much more. I will not contribute to that.

My twitter feed is full of people older and wiser than I reflecting back the truths that I feel in my soul. We must love. We must fight for our neighbors and loved ones. We must stand up for those being treated unequally. Had Hillary won, there still would have been battles to fight. Perhaps it would have been easier. Perhaps. But we wouldn’t have been able to take a seat and say “Okay, I voted her in. My job is done.” That isn’t how it’s supposed to work. We must stick with our beliefs through the good times and the bad. As much as this loss feels like the end of the world, it will not be. The repercussions will be felt for years to come but wars are not won in one battle and we will not stop until love has defeated the darkness. There is always hope.

Now, we must pray that Trump is a good president, as much as it will hurt to do so. We must pray that things will work out, however that may be. He still had trials in the next two months before he steps into office. I don’t know what the outcome of that will be. I don’t know if we could survive his VP Pence taking his place. Maybe it’s for the best that he is in office. I will not overlook the hate that he has admitted to and that this country has openly supported. But I will not believe that his win means the end of the world. Yes, it will be difficult. I’m not expecting an easy street. But I’m not going to stand off to the side and watch my rights and the rights of people I care about stepped on and thrown away. We will not take as many steps backward as feared. Not when too many of us are fighting. The popular vote was very, very close. The people are divided but the people are not all filled with hate and vitriol. I don’t know if this made sense but it is what I feel deeply and truly.

As hard as it is to be hopeful, as hard as it is to believe these words, we must.

Love above all else.

Chasse’

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Music Rec Monday – “Wild Horses” by Bishop Briggs

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Photo Credit: paperblog.com

Bishop Briggs is incredible. She is one of those artists that you couldn’t necessarily pin into one genre because she melds several together. Much like the steadily rising in popularity Twenty One Pilots, she creates a unique sound by mixing unusual choices into her songs that somehow still work. Expect heavy bass, organs, folk guitar, jazz drums, and synth, just to name a few. Her voice is husky and sultry, lending an almost sacrilegious (in a very good way) tone to several songs full of  heavy religious imagery. Her music is sexy and you feel like you’re experiencing exactly what she’s talking about even if you couldn’t possibly relate to the song.  I genuinely hope she continues to be successful because I want to hear her voice for the rest of my life. Check out “River” or “Pray (Empty Gun)” if “Wild Horses” isn’t to your taste. There are just too many good songs to not try several of them before making your decision.

“Keep screaming into the pillow cause your taste still gets me stupid high”

Chasse’

Music Rec Monday – “Taking Back My Heart” by Rusty Clanton

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Mr. Rusty Clanton, Folks! How about those emotional and connectable lyrics? Can we give it up for his indie rock and authentic folk sound? Whoo! That’s a good show!

Sorry, I’m just pretending I actually got to see Rusty Clanton in concert because he’s touring right now with Tessa Violet and Dodie Clark (both Youtubers that I’ve mentioned on here before) BUT THEY’RE NOT COMING ANYWHERE NEAR ME! I’m a little bitter about it because they are absolutely fantastic individually but together in one place? It’s sort of a dream come true. Now, that I’ve ranted just a bit, let’s actually talk about Rusty.

Mr. Clanton is an actual inspiration. Those compliments in that first little piece up there? Actual things I feel. Rusty always gets me right in the middle of my chest and makes it hard to breathe. (A GOOD THING WHEN IT COMES TO MUSIC!) I’ve said it before, music is meant to make you feel things, which is one of the reasons I rarely talk about anything playing on the radio. Don’t get me wrong, some of them are catchy, but it’s manufactured that way. I want authenticity in my music. That is what you get with Rusty Clanton. His lyrics in his original songs are relatable and his voice is smooth with a way of conveying emotion that I haven’t been able to replicate. (His covers are brilliant as well. You should subscribe to his youtube channel.) While this song is one of his older ones, it’s still very enjoyable and possibly one of my favorites. His newer songs follow along in the same style, creating a brand for himself even as he’s grown and evolved as a lyricist and singer. I just don’t have enough words to properly express how much I respect Rusty Clanton as an artist. Absolutely brilliant.

Also, he has an EP that just released on 10.28.16 SO GO AND BUY IT. You won’t regret it. Promise you that.

As always, let me know what you thought of the song and feel free to discuss your favorite music with me!

“I said I know it’s tough, but I’m growing up”

Chasse’

To Fail or Not To Fail: Part Duex

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about failure.

This isn’t the first time you’ve read about the subject on my blog and likely, will not be the last. Fear of failure has been such a big part of life that I haven’t figured out how to let go of it, regardless of what I’ve said on paper. And in the recent months, my biggest fear has come true. I failed. Majorly. I took big risks for things and had them fall through. I put myself and my sister in positions we didn’t want to be in. I indirectly put most of my family’s life at risk. And yes, it’s a bit self-centered to take all the blame for some things that were very much out of my control (i.e. the axle snapping on our jeep and rolling us down a hill to land upside down and trapped in the vehicle. Very scary. But very much out of my hands. Oh, and everyone was fine by some miracle but that’s information for another post.)  but I’ve always had a habit of taking the blame.

I was raised to believe that failure was the worst thing that you could do and that it was always, always a result of you not working hard enough. So whenever something goes wrong, even if it was out of my hands, even if there was a clear and definitive place or person on which to lay the real blame, I always tried to figure out what I did. How I could have helped. Where did I mess up so it could be prevented next time. The biggest problem with this mindset is that it is all conjecture. There is rarely a specific point in time that you can point at and say “this is where it all went wrong.” Life doesn’t really work like that. It’s a series of causes and effects and sometimes, it’s ten different things that result in one thing. Sometimes you would have had to change fifteen things to prevent it. Sometimes, it’s inevitable. So living in this mindset of trying to figure it out is a vicious cycle that doesn’t end until you stop trying to figure it out.

I’ve been MIA from this blog because I’ve been deeply depressed. I’ve had to do some introspection and analysis. I just haven’t had muse, if I’m being perfectly honest. But in this time, I’ve learned a lot. Failure isn’t the worst thing that could happen. Failure is just a learning experience. Failure has to happen. Failure makes success sweeter. These are things I’ve heard before but have never really seemed true until now. I failed. And my life didn’t end. Things aren’t really any worse than they’ve ever been. And my failure has given me perspective. I’ve been working so long for things I didn’t actually want that it took a giant failure for me to realize that I didn’t want them. When it all crashed down around me, I didn’t want to fight for them. I didn’t want to make it happen anyways. Because I didn’t really care whether it happened or not in the long run. They weren’t things I cared about.

I don’t have the time or the energy to go into all of it right now but maybe I can go into more detail at a later date. Suffice it to say, I was playing it safe. I was relying on my backups as the main goal because the dreams and wants were always things I thought I couldn’t have. I don’t want to be that person anymore.

I’m ready to dream.

I’m ready to chase the dreams.

And I’m not going to let fear of failure hold me back.

I’ve failed before. I’ll fail again. In fact, I hope I do. But I no longer want to sit back and watch the world happen around me. I don’t want to believe that success lies in playing it safe or that happiness is just around the corner. I want it now. I want to be happy now.

And you know what?

I can be.

It’s been good to talk to you again.

Chasse’

Music Rec Monday – “Hotel Ceiling” by Rixton

Yeah, I know; I missed last week’s MRM. Just when I thought I was getting the hang of this thing, my wi-fi situation went from bad to like the Devil’s armpit. I don’t know. (I did fill you in on the big changes that were happening in Friday last’s post.) But now I’m back with a new band! Well, new for me. Check out these pretty boys!

 

Rixton Performs At Santa Monica Place
Photo Credit: ohmydisney

These lovelies are Rixton! And while they’ve been around since like 2012, I’ve just now discovered them. It’s a British Boy Group, so compared to all my previous MRMs, we’re venturing into the mainstream. That’s okay! I’ve been here before so grab your paddles and enjoy the scenery. (I’m aware my puns are terrible.) I actually don’t know much about them. But the song Hotel Ceiling has my memory running back to when I was young and tasted heartbreak for the first time. The voices are smooth and pretty. Everything about this song makes me think of Ed Sheeran, which is amusing but possibly an insult to the artists themselves (in the vein that every artist wants to sound like themselves? Iconic or whatever). If the words were a bit happier, then I would assume this was the perfect wedding song. That’s just the feeling it gives me. I hope you like it. Tell me what you think?

“Trying to hold onto the sweetest feeling”

Chasse’

Is this a blog or a Ghost Town?

If it seems like I’ve been a little neglectful of this blog lately, that’s because I have!

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Photo Credit: relatably.com

I am currently sitting in a hotel room in San Antonio, eating PBJ for dinner, and wondering how my life changed so drastically in what feels like a couple of days. In reality, it’s been months of preparation and weeks of actual hard work but here we are! My sister and I are in SA getting the last details together over the next week. She has a job interview on Monday. We picked up bus passes yesterday. It’s all really coming together. Before long, we’ll be loading the U-Haul and furnishing our terribly small apartment and loving every second of being on our own.

Yesterday, we said goodbye to my parents. As I’ve mentioned before, we don’t get along always. My history with my mother is strange and hard to manuever most days. But saying goodbye felt so final, that I was a literally mess. There was ugly sobbing all around. And it felt like a real major step forward. I know everyone says there’s never any point where you suddenly feel like an adult and to a certain extent, I agree but this kind of felt like that for me. I may have my sister still but we’re on our own. The decisions for who and what I am are entirely mine now. It’s silly, because I’m twenty-four and I’ve been an adult for a while now. But now, today, there was no one to fall back on, no one to worry about what they thought and said, no one to influence me directly. It’s almost scary.

I’m sorry if this post seems a little spastic or rambling. I just needed to get my thoughts and excitement out there. I live on my own now! Yay me!

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Photo Credit: justjaredjr.com

I hope you can forgive the absence lately, now that you know all this.

Chasse’

Music Rec Monday – “Stressed Out” by Kina Grannis

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Photo Credit: mochimag.com

Kina Grannis has such a soft voice but I really love the feeling that it evokes. In this particular rendition of the popular song “Stressed Out” by Twenty-One Pilots, Kina brings to life the nostalgia that the song is all about. I’ve always kind of found her voice haunting in a way that is hard to explain but is just as equally addictive. If you like this song, then check out this cover. I’m positive that it’s not going to be for everyone but I hope you enjoy it. And look, I even embedded the video for you guys today! Enjoy!

“Wish we could turn back time, to the good ole days…”

Chasse’